Anger: A Misunderstood Messenger

Anger is an integral part of the human emotional landscape. When we disconnect from it or suppress it because we believe it’s “bad” or “negative”, we lose touch with an essential internal guide. Anger, when experienced healthily, protects us, redirects us, and often simply says, No.

Yet for many of us, anger has been misunderstood or misrepresented. It may have been framed as irrational, aggressive, immature, or inappropriate. Instead of being encouraged to express it, we were taught to quiet it down. Over time, we learned to disarm ourselves of one of our most vital emotional systems—leaving us more vulnerable to mistreatment, boundary violations, and emotional exhaustion.

Conditioned to suppress it, we often bottle up every micro-moment of frustration, irritation, or resentment. We internalise messages that we’re “too sensitive,” “too reactive,” or “not calm enough.” The long-term effect of this suppression is often emotional overwhelm or outbursts that seem disproportionate, reinforcing the belief that anger is dangerous, out of control, or something to be ashamed of. It confirms our deepest fears and gives others permission to continue invalidating our experience.

But the consequences of suppressed anger go deeper than emotional discomfort. The body keeps the score. Research shows that chronic anger suppression can impact immune function and nervous system regulation, leaving us more prone to illness, fatigue, anxiety, and inflammation. And when there’s no safe outlet, anger often turns inward, manifesting as self-criticism, perfectionism, or feelings of shame and inadequacy. We become our own target, judging or blaming ourselves for simply having needs, limits, or boundaries.

In truth, when we have a healthy relationship with our anger, able to notice and express it as naturally as we do excitement or sadness it becomes a powerful inner compass. Anger is often a sign that something isn’t right: that something is unjust, unsafe, or misaligned. When acknowledged and channelled constructively, it becomes a force for clarity, self-respect, and meaningful change.

The problem is that most of us were never taught how to use anger wisely. We may have only seen it used destructively—to harm, blame, or dominate. That history can make the emotion feel unsafe to touch, let alone express.

But anger is not something to fear, it’s something to understand. When we learn to listen to it rather than silence it, we often discover that it carries wisdom, boundaries, and unmet needs that have been waiting to be heard.

A Daily/Weekly Practice: Listening to Your Anger

The journal prompts below are designed to give this part of you a safe space to exist. They invite reflection on moments—big or small—when you’ve felt anger, frustration, irritation, or rage, and help you explore what your anger might be trying to tell you.

The aim is to support you in learning how to express anger in healthier, more immediate ways, rather than letting it build up over time.

Try doing this regularly. It doesn’t matter which moment you choose. What matters is that you connect honestly with the emotion and approach your responses with curiosity rather than judgment. There is no right or wrong way to do this.

Anger Reflection Practice

1. Acknowledge the Moment
When did you feel anger today (or this week)?
What triggered it? Who or what was involved?

2. Let Anger Speak
If your anger had a voice, what would it say?
What thoughts, words, or urges come up when you allow it to be fully felt?

3. Listen to the Message Beneath
What was your anger trying to protect?
What were you really upset about?
What did you need in that moment?

4. Reclaim Your Power
If you could redo the situation, what might you do differently?
What boundary, truth, or shift might be needed?
How could you express anger next time in a healthy way?

5. Optional Integration Prompt
What part of me felt unseen, unheard, or dismissed?
How can I honour that part of me today or tomorrow?

Tips for Making the Practice Your Own

• Title each entry by the trigger or feeling (e.g. “Irritation after phone call”) for easier reflection later.

• Set a timer for 5–10 minutes of writing. Let your thoughts spill out—no editing, no censorship.

• Close with grounding. After expressing strong feelings, take a few deep breaths, stretch, or place a hand on your heart. Write one sentence of self-compassion, such as:
  “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m learning to listen to myself.”

Anger doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you human
When welcomed with care and curiosity, it becomes one of the most honest and protective parts of your emotional world.