Working Together
Approach · Theory · Trust
My qualifications, training and professional experience give me the knowledge and skills to do this work well. But there is another kind of knowledge I value just as much: the knowledge that comes from living — and from learning in relationship.
I have been married for nearly 30 years, I am a mother, I come from a large family, and relationships have been some of my greatest teachers. I have had relationships that have helped me grow, relationships that have challenged me, and relationships that have taught me that not everyone will come on the journey with us. My relationships with my husband and daughters continues to teach me — about them, about myself, and about what it means to stay curious, centred and connected when things are difficult.
Professional knowledge tells me what may be happening.
Lived experience reminds me what it can feel like.
I don't presume to know your experience — your story is uniquely yours. But life has taught me something about the territory: the vulnerability of being known, the pain of disconnection, the pull of old patterns, the courage it takes to look honestly at ourselves and the possibility of growing through our relationships. I continue to learn through both professional knowledge and lived experience, because none of us ever finishes learning about ourselves or about being human in relationship.
Professional knowledge. Lived experience.
“Professional knowledge tells me what may be happening.
Lived experience reminds me what it can feel like.”
I work with the whole relationship
Relationship difficulties aren't just found in the words we say or the arguments we have. They are experienced through our thoughts, emotions, bodies and the ways we respond to each other.
For lasting change, we need to work with the whole relationship — not just understand what is happening, but begin to experience it differently.
Together, we explore four interconnected areas:
THE MIND
What do I understand?
We make sense of what's happening. I help you slow things down, recognise patterns that can be difficult to see when you're living inside them, and begin to understand why you each respond in the ways that you do.
The aim isn't to over-analyse your relationship, but to make what has become automatic more visible — because once we can see something, we have more choice about what happens next.
THE BODY
What happens inside me?
Our bodies often react before our thinking catches up. Conflict, distance or uncertainty can trigger anxiety, overwhelm, shutdown or an urge to fight, escape, fix or appease.
We learn to recognise what happens in your nervous system, what your body is communicating and when protection may be taking over from connection — so that safety becomes something you can increasingly feel, not simply understand.
THE EMOTIONAL SELF
What do I feel?
Couples can become very good at talking about what is wrong while losing contact with what is actually happening underneath.
We make room for the feelings beneath the pattern — perhaps anger, hurt, fear, disappointment, grief, longing or vulnerability — and help you communicate these without either losing yourself or making your partner responsible for them.
THE RELATIONSHIP
What happens between us?
This is where we bring everything back into the relationship itself.
We look at how you reach for one another, how you respond when connection feels uncertain, what happens when you disagree or need different things, and how you inadvertently trigger and protect against each other.
We also work with what creates connection: recognising bids for closeness, turning towards rather than away, communicating more directly, maintaining boundaries, tolerating difference and learning how to repair when you lose one another.
“Relationships are where we come to witness ourselves and each other. When we are seen with curiosity, compassion and honesty, we no longer have to fight so hard to prove that we matter.”
The theory behind the work
My core training is person-centred and relational, but my approach to couples therapy is integrative. This means I don't try to fit every couple into one model. I draw on different areas of psychological and relationship theory when they help us understand something that is happening between you.
ATTACHMENT THEORY
How our experiences of relationship can shape what we expect from closeness, dependency and separateness — and whether we instinctively move towards or away when connection feels uncertain.
PERSON-CENTRED & RELATIONAL PSYCHOTHERAPY
The foundation of how I work: with empathy, curiosity, honesty and appropriate challenge, trusting that you know yourselves and your relationship better than anyone else.
RELATIONSHIP & REPAIR RESEARCH
I draw on established couples research, including aspects of the Gottman approach, to understand patterns that block connection as well as bids for connection, turning towards one another and the importance of repair.
TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS (PAC)
The Parent–Adult–Child framework can help us recognise the different internal positions we move between, how we respond to ourselves, and how these can influence the way we communicate with our partner.
NERVOUS SYSTEM & TRAUMA-INFORMED THINKING
Ideas including the Window of Tolerance and fight, flight, freeze and fawn help us understand what happens when our system detects threat and protection begins to replace connection.
SYSTEMIC & RELATIONAL THINKING
Looking beyond either individual to understand the relationship as a system — how each person's history, vulnerabilities and protective strategies interact, and how each response can unintentionally reinforce the other's.